When all is said and done...

Top 5 Break up Songs.
(Nick Horby does not own the rights to this, it's been happening for years, even before Top of the Pops.)
1.Roddy Frame - Over You
2.The Beatles - For No One
3.Paul Simon - 50 Ways to leave your Lover
4.Foo Fighters - Walking After You
5.John Lennon - Jealous Guy

There now follows a short compendium of snippets from the above songs....

Make a new plan Stan/you wait up, she goes out/if you walk out on me/I didn't mean to hurt you/heard you were out in SW3/there must be 50 ways to leave your lover/I was trying to catch your eye/tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds/there must be times when all the things she said filled your head/you said I'd get over you.

As you may have guessed I'm now single, fucked off, hurt and crying for redemption.
So I have come up with (trumpet crescendo) my eleven, yes eleven (it's louder than ten).............................................
STEPS OF RECOVERY (underlined)

1. Denial - to pretend that fuck all is wrong, the relationship is in tatters, but to you everything is hunkydory.
2. Ignorance - you pause, and stop pretending, denial turns into full blown ignorance, hunkydory becomes a close friend.
3. Moment of Clarity - you understand the problems and symptoms - WARNING - this only lasts up to a maximum of one month.
4. Acceptance Part 1 - begins with the realisation of the break up. This is also known as ' the amicable acceptance'.
5. Self Pity - everything you see and hear relates to you. Beware of overly sentimental films, music or books.
6. Anger/Refusal - a very dangerous position to find oneself in. Cue the regurgitation of past faults and fuck ups.
7. Acceptance Part 2 - you now find yourself realising that there is no way back (to her).
8. HATE - the most potent of all. Anything to do with the EX is now spouted from your inner hatred gene. This can last for years, depending upon how you have dealt with the last 7 stages.
9. Drought - depends on your ability with the opposite sex. A drought can last for hours or years.
10. The Move On - you start to notice more fish in the perverbial sea and life doesn't seem all that fucking bad, smiles appear on the faces of what would have been total cunts, lamposts shine, oranges land in front of you, complete strangers ask what time it is, and Liverpool win the Premiership. Films, music and books take on a different meaning and you are able to participate in 'the move on'..
11. Greener Pastures - new girl, new life, new outlook upon it. Until that is, you find yourself coming face to face with stage 1, then repeat.

You poor fuck.